I’m the Brett Favre of dating. I’ve threatened retirement so many times, people stopped paying attention. But last fall, I decided to give online dating one last shot. And I hit the jackpot. A human man in his 30s with a job who wants a relationship!? Record scratch? Could the low bar actually be high enough to limbo under!? I had to take a turn and see.
I feel lost. We all feel lost, right? Our country is going down in flames. The news of the Orlando Massacre hit me with a slow burn... but over the past 2 days, I just can't get it together to stop feeling devastated and hopeless about the state of our country. Sadness is a familiar feeling. Hopeless is a new one.
I have a folder on my computer called “TAL Pitches” where, since 2007 when I started listening to my now favorite podcast, I would sketch out different ways to get my "sociopath boyfriend story" recognized by a show as popular as This American Life (TAL.) I never submitted any of them.
While receiving compliments from happy audience members as they exited the theater, most folks kindly came up to my teammates and I and said the normal things one says after a show, such as: You are so funny! What a great show. You are so talented! But, one guy with a round face and a mustache walked up to me and said “You are so sexy.”
I went on a first date a few months ago. In the midst of a nice chat in Prospect Park over bagel sandwiches and coffee, I asked my date: what did he do for a living? He replied that he was a consultant who advises on how to best help Syrian refugees.
“Wow,” I stuttered. “That’s incredible. Your job is important. It really matters.” “And, what do you do?” he dutifully reciprocated. “Something equally impressive, I’m sure.” “Um. I’m a comedian.”
I've spoken to a lot of people who say how "brave" it is for me to have quit my day job to pursue comedy. But, the truth is - it's not like I just woke up one day and did it... I dreamt it. I wanted it. I thought about it for a million minutes until I talked myself out of it.
I’d like to talk a little bit about faith. I’m not talking about religious faith or faith in God. I’m talking about faith in humanity. The kind of faith that I have had since I was a little girl: the faith in the goodness of others. My belief has always been that people are inherently good.
Well, people of New York. You have killed that faith. Dating, specifically has killed that faith.